Figures

Every time that I get a chance to write something in my blog - I feel inspired, I have a few minutes, I find an open computer - the internet connection doesn't work. So I'll just start emailing myself until I get a change to do a SUPER MEGA UPDATE!!!!!!

So I got my first parcel of deployment mail today - excellent - and inventorying the contents I was inspired to trace the life of Tim the Papaya (Thanks, Dee).

Hi, I'm Tim and I'm a Papaya. I'm very tasty and just sitting here growing, waiting to be harvested in sunny Thailand. I get picked, I'm shaved, sliced, and processed (with some sugar I think) into a tasty treat called "Papaya Spears." Then I get sent to a health food store in the United States, packaged up, bought / sold, and then boxed up into a care package bound for a strapping young father of two afloat on the open ocean. I am received and enjoyed by said dude who, coincidentally,is bound for the land of my birth where I will complete my life cycle exactly where it began.A lot of traveling for a little Papaya, isn't it?

Life's good for me, by the way - finished up stuff in East Timor -that's where the pictures were from down below. I don't have any idea how to put a caption under any of those pictures, but they were all from E.T. The statue is the second largest statue of Jesus in the world behind...that's right, dad, RioDJ. (I abbreviated it that way because I have no idea how to spell it and lack the motivation to look it up)which reminds me. I brought an actual paper dictionary and thesaurus on the boat and everybody made fun of me. But when it takes minutes to load up www.dictionary.com and that book is just sitting there on my desk - yeah - it gets used by a lot of people.

Speaking of getting used by a lot of people - also enclosed in my care package was an issue of "Huntin' Fool" (Thanks, Ron) probably my favorite magazine outside of Foreign Affairs because I'm a nerd. Oh that reminds me too - my nerdiness - I was trying to make a list of: "if you think you might be a nerd" more on that later - so I had said magazine sitting on my desk today beckoning me away from my work. I refrained because I had things to do, but almost every pilot that passed by at least leafed through it - entertainment is in short supply on the boat apparently - including my commanding officer.

"Hey L-T, this magazine yours?""Yessir""You working now, aren't you - mind if I borrow it""Nosir"He takes it and sits down in a chair and reads it almost cover to cover over the next 30 minutes, places it back on my desk, sighs, and departs.I think we just bonded.

So back to the nerd-list-thing - I was typing some things up for work and not to brag or anything, but my typing has gotten to the point that a couple of times every minute my computer beeps at me because it's having trouble keeping up - and I thought there's got to be more of this- if you know what a "dihedral angle" is - or if you think a Power Point presentation is just a crutch for the briefer - or if you know what"etc" stands for and means - or if you pick out the aerodynamicdiscrepancies in the movie Flyboys: "That bi-plane just pulled 9 Gs around that tree if you were wondering...not possible" - etc etc etc I'll make a more formal list in the future - actually, no, I won't, I'll just add some more as they come to me.

And lastly, for two Quotes of the Day:For the procrastinators out there:"Plan early...plan twice"And spoken last week with reference to E.T:"You know your country is in trouble when you need assistance from the Bangladeshis."

Another picture of East Timor.

A little update for Bill

First, this is Kristin writing. Just so everyone knows, Bill is very busy with work right now. Also he has trouble uploading pictures so he sends them to me and I upload them for him. He gives me no info on what the pictures are of. My guess though is that the past pictures are of East Timor. They have been doing a lot in the area and he has been able to get on several flights. He is doing well and sends his love.

Some things are in stereo

On the ship you are only allowed to listen to headphones with one in, one out in order to hear any important announcements. I like to listen to music while I work so I’ve had one in for a few days now. Tonight I put the other headphone in when I was in my room reading – my roommates could get me if need be – and I realized something: sometimes you need to listen with both ears. It seems a lot of times friction develops when we aren’t paying total attention. If we’re having a conversation and only waiting for our chance to speak – not really listening to the other person – a lot can be lost in translation. It really takes both ears – stereo – to listen and understand. I think that’s why God gave us 2 of everything – ears, eyes, hands, feet, etc – perspective. You can see with one eye, but you can’t tell depth – you can hear with one ear, but you’re going to miss something. Just a thought.

We are at category 2 bananas

The conversation from dinner tonight – I mainly just listened:

“You know, there really are only a couple of days where bananas are just right. I’m glad that today is one of those days. It’s not too ripe, not nasty mushy – oh no – this banana (he holds it above his head) – this banana is the perfect firmness and ripeness – good color, good taste. I’ve had three bananas today – breakfast, lunch, dinner – yes, today is banana day! I hate it when bananas get too mushy – you know, there are really 3 classifications of bananas. First they are not ripe enough – this is “Category 1 bananas” then you’ve got “Category 2 bananas” – this is banana day – and then “Category 3 bananas” - bananas have gone bad. Actually, Category 3 leads into a Category 4: No bananas. And the cycle repeats.”

Anybody want to guess what this guy does for a living?

Irony

Anybody who knows me knows that I don’t like taking pills – never have – never will. I can still remember my dad cutting my penicillin tablets in half for me so I wouldn’t gag when I was younger – I still didn’t like it because then they had sharp corners. Anyways I was getting ready to go to bed last night and I needed to take my multivitamin. No big deal, right? Well I had drunk all of the water in my water bottle and figured I’d just use my hand under the sink and cup some water to my mouth. Keep in mind too that I HATE the smell of multivitamins – I always have to wash my hands with soap afterwards because they are very stinky. Anyhoo, I popped that sucker in my mouth and bent over to get some water from the sink…well it wasn’t enough – I couldn’t wash it down – I tried to swallow it fast because if I didn’t then I’d taste it – it got stuck – I couldn’t swallow anything – didn’t want to bend back over for more water…You know, it’s important in a situation like this to really keep a calm head…think things through…come up with the best solution for the problem – you know – but all I could think of was how IRONIC it would be if I choked to death trying to take my daily multivitamin and I start laughing – out comes the pill – sweet.
So I didn’t take it last night – I brushed my teeth again and washed my face and hands instead – but I’ll be sure to fill up my water bottle tonight before I go to bed.

QOTD: “What’s wrong with the Navy helo – why can’t it take off?” - “The environmental control system isn’t working” – “Oh, you mean the A/C is broken” – “Yeah”

The cleanest air you’ll ever breathe…

So I was standing on the flight deck getting ready for a flight killing a little extra time we had – a buddy raised the topic mentioned in the subject line above – “hey man, you know this air out here is the cleanest air you’ll ever breathe.” I thought to myself – yeah, quite the philosophical comment - too bad it smells like a mixture of jet fuel, grease, body odor, and CHT Lines (Google it if you don’t know what that is). But once the rotors started spinning and we got airborne he was right – I hadn’t really noticed it before but if you think about the cleanest most natural place you’ve ever been – maybe camping in the Florida backwoods, trout stream fishing in Colorado, or on the open road driving cross country – take any of those places and they pale in comparison to the vast / open / unmolested beauty of the open ocean. Those places all have a smell too – not necessarily bad, but pine trees, lavender, whatever it is there’s nothing like putting your head out the window 1000 feet above the ocean and smelling…nothing – absolutely nothing
And it makes for some good pictures too.

On another note, I’ve found I can save time by blogging into a word document while my pages load and then just copy and paste in the end – I’m nothing if not industrious with my time

And I just noticed that MSWord recognizes “blogging” as an accepted / correct spelling of a word. Man I feel old sometimes.

I’m trying to upload a couple of those pictures I took earlier today so this entry may be a bit longer than the other ones I’ve done so far.

Actually I just went to brush my teeth and the little bar hasn’t moved in quite a while…they say the internet on a ship is like trying to suck a milkshake through a soda straw. You get just enough to keep doing it even though it’s really hard – I think uploading a picture is like trying to suck a brick through that straw – ok well. I think I’ll try one more time.

Nope – maybe tomorrow

QOTD: “What more can I do?” – sign hanging above my computer at work – keeps my head in the game

Questions

Q: What is my login name?
A: I couldn’t figure it out until a few minutes ago – I misspelled my email address – so every email confirmation sent to me letting me know of my name and password is now floating around in Al Gore’s nebulous of the internet.

Q: Me: “Hey gunny, you see that leaking from the transmission?”
Gunny: “Yessir, I do”
Me: “that’s normal, right?”
Gunny: “The leaking means it’s working properly”
Me: “Huh…and if it wasn’t leaking?”
Gunny: “Then we’d be filling ‘er back up, eh?”
Me: “Awesome”

Q: Why haven’t I posted any pictures?
A: I’m working on it

Q: What’s that on your lip?A: It’s my MEUSTASH!

Q: How many times have I hit my head hard?
A: 2 – still have a bump too…

Q: How many times do I listen to Ko’s messages?
A: At least twice when I get them – and then again until I get another one :)

Q: Where are we?
A: I don’t know

Q: Where are we going?A: I don’t know

Q: When are we going to get there?
A: Later

Q: Do I miss my family
A: More than anything…

BAM!

Watch your step! You’ve entered the man cave.
I started this blog as an outlet for my rather advanced sense of humor and wit when they are exhausted upon the current co-inhabitants of this mighty floating grey box.
I’ll also let you guys know what’s going on over on my side of the world.
But first, let’s establish some guidelines – you know, for safety – but more for managing your expectations…
1 – I cannot promise a post everyday, or even consistently, for that matter
2 – Posts shall be worth the 20+ minutes it takes me to log in and submit something – so read them in their entirety
3 – Posts shall be witty
4 – If not witty, posts shall be informative
5 – If neither witty, nor informative, posts shall be brief
6 – As post writer, I reserve the right to trash guidelines 1 through 5 and post whatever I want.

As a point I will try to keep this a manly arena but no topic is taboo in the man cave – I can and will discuss the availability of lemon curd in countries around the world.

I’ll also put some pictures up whenever I get the time.

Lastly I will try to include quotes of the day (QOTD) both for your amusement as well as to catalog my own.

-Take care, all

QOTD: “You’ve been equalized!” – from Corporal Z to Corporal Y after Z threw a packet of Equal sugar at Y’s face – you had to be there