Thursday, March 18, 2010

All that and a bucket of chicken... 3/8/2010

So somebody has counted and as of today we're at 125 straight days without being in port. The grey colors on the ship seem greyer - the dark colors darker - and the bright colors less vibrant. The breakfast is still pretty good, though. But really, I think our current predicament is a better source of amusement than anything else. I wish I could convey for you with a video what this all looks like:-People walking into corners and not being able to get out -The only bread left on the ship is a hotdog bun, well dozens of hotdogbuns but no hamburger buns, no sandwich bread, no bagels or any other such starch - hotdog buns - and seeing multiple people toasting said hotdog bun to make a peanut-butter and jelly hotdog or a tuna hotdog -Arguments being ended by my superior saying simply "You're wrong - I'm right. It's right - it isn't wrong because it's what I said - it's right because I said so" - you're as confused as I was -Being told to "shut up" from a superior 2 grades above my current position is always encouraging as well, very professional (neither of the previous two were Marines, by the way - that kind of narrows down what service they are from...Bri Bri) -And conversations that have regressed further than I thought possible being surrounded by so many well educated people:

Dude: "Man I really want some chunky peanut butter"
Me: "Dude - just get the creamy peanut butter and go get some peanuts from the salad bar and crunch them up - chunky peanut butter"
Dude: "No way - that'll never wor...wait a second - I think you're on to something there."

Me: "Hey, what are you up to?"
Dude: "I don't know, what's it look like?"
Me: "I don't know, that's why I asked."
Dude: "Yeah, I was hoping you'd know."

"I'm here for my appointment"
"We can't see you yet"
"Why not?"
"Because you're on time"
"Are you listening to yourself?"

"Hey, can we get some cereal out here?"
"Why not, are you guys out"
"Oh no, we have a lot back here but we can't put it out"
"And why, may I ask, is that?"
"Because you guys will eat it."

(10 minutes before this shop closes)
"Hey, I lost my cash card and I need to get issued another one."
"Oh, sir, we have a policy where you have to wait 72 hours to get a new card - and we're about to close for the day."
"Why's that?"
"Uhhh, Because I guess sometimes people find them after they lose them"
"Yeah, ok - that's cool - but I saw my card literally fly off the ship -there ain't no coming back from that"
"That's the policy, sir."
"Really? And who issued this policy? Capt X? Lt Y?"
"'s a new card, sir"

A pilot during a flight brief:
"And if we find ourselves over land,don't worry - we've just entered a space-time-continuum-vortex and we've been transported to a better place - I'm sure there will be plenty of milk and honey to go around so we'll just set it down and relax." He didn't miss a beat and everybody just understood that's the way it was going to be.

So that's daily life - actually, if you were to spend a day with me,you'd probably find a lot more remarkable, funny, and/or exciting things- I have grown accustomed and just accept I guess.You'd probably ask questions like:"Hey, what's that 6 foot tall alligator mascot doing dancing up on the flight deck?""What does that whistle mean?" and 2 seconds later "So what does that one mean?" and 5 seconds later "So this whistle means the same as the other two?" "Yup" "Well then why d-" "Listen, save yourself the trouble- don't try to understand it""Why can't you use the gym right now? - it looks pretty empty to me.""That's called Navy gym hours"But as Pooh would say - "Stuff and fluff" - that's not really the important part. The important part is that we can see the light at the end of the tunnel and it's not a train coming the other direction.We'll be home soon and I'll be able to see my boys (Will and Jack) and girls (Ko and Dora). There's going to be plenty of daddy time for everybody.-Ranger

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